Tired, but in the right place

A friend commented to me recently, "you seem so busy." He was referring to all of the blogs I write (I think I'm at six), and how often I update my status on facebook, and the events I'm involved with, and the new client I'm working on, and I had to laugh because as a teacher and father of two small girls I certainly feel he's busier than I am. My time is often spoken for, but not tightly regimented.

And I realize I really like it this way. I've found a schedule that seems to really be working for me, and my creativity. Sure I can get cabin fever at times, sure I can check my email box a few too many times when I'm not feeling inspired, but for the most part it feels really good. And that's what's important to me more and more - how my life feels.

I'm one of those people who can be extremely extroverted, flirty, open, gregarious and engaging but it'll wear me out. I need my alone time, my reflecting time, my own space to create and put words on the page.

I realize now that even though I also worked at home when I was in business with my ex-husband, and I enjoyed it, I still hadn't found the right groove for me. I am a died in the wool workaholic and I pushed myself past physical and mental exhaustion.

I think I'm finally getting better at pacing myself, and I'm finally starting to really own how much energy goes into being an idea person, a creative type. In the past I've always thought of it as a wonderful blessing, but just an added bonus - not something that was in itself a special gift to be treated with respect and nurtured. Actually, I feel silly admitting this but nurture was one of those words that used to make my skin crawl, probably because it's something I just didn't allow for myself much at all.