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Melissa Balmer
September 2009 
Tired & Happy & Sad
Posted on Jan 16th, 2008
by 
Melissa
Melissa
Life continues to unfold in fascinating ways, with interesting bits of synchronicity (now two old friends have popped up out of the wood work after 20 some year, one just at the grocery store).
I would love to not feel so tired, but that's to be expected. I am still sad over the passing of my grandmother and the break up of a seven month relationship, sad but understanding, sad but open, but still sad. I just am. And I decided at the end of last year to wean myself off a combination of a muscle-relaxant and sub doses of an anti depressant my neurologist had given me to help decrease the migraines I experience. How's that for delightful dinner conversation? I write these details not to be self obsessed but to track what the hecks going on with my health, and in the hopes that it might help someone else somehow feel they're not quite so damaged with their own health challenges. Real people, working honestly to be their best, searching for enlightened spiritually and yada yada yada have health challenges.
I do believe the combo worked, and I'm grateful for it, but it made me also chronically tired and I'm doing so much better weaning off the migraine pain killers (though still have daily advil and excedrin to kick) that I decided this combo was next. I've switched to taking melatonin at night, which works well to help me fall asleep, but I pop awake at about 5:45 in the am, still dead tired, but with my mind wound up. Oh well. It was very hard to go on anti-depressants so going off can't be that simple, right? I'll just take it day by day, and sometimes moment by moment, which is all we really have.
Of course at the same time the health things are going on I'm getting involved in exciting new projects, including meeting some very wonderful, positive, creative women and feeling so much more supported in who I am and what I want to do (one of my New Year's resolutions) and possibly organizing a V-Day event for my hometown. I'm waiting to hear if my application is accepted and trying not to get too wound up about it one way or another.
I would love to not feel so tired, but that's to be expected. I am still sad over the passing of my grandmother and the break up of a seven month relationship, sad but understanding, sad but open, but still sad. I just am. And I decided at the end of last year to wean myself off a combination of a muscle-relaxant and sub doses of an anti depressant my neurologist had given me to help decrease the migraines I experience. How's that for delightful dinner conversation? I write these details not to be self obsessed but to track what the hecks going on with my health, and in the hopes that it might help someone else somehow feel they're not quite so damaged with their own health challenges. Real people, working honestly to be their best, searching for enlightened spiritually and yada yada yada have health challenges.
I do believe the combo worked, and I'm grateful for it, but it made me also chronically tired and I'm doing so much better weaning off the migraine pain killers (though still have daily advil and excedrin to kick) that I decided this combo was next. I've switched to taking melatonin at night, which works well to help me fall asleep, but I pop awake at about 5:45 in the am, still dead tired, but with my mind wound up. Oh well. It was very hard to go on anti-depressants so going off can't be that simple, right? I'll just take it day by day, and sometimes moment by moment, which is all we really have.
Of course at the same time the health things are going on I'm getting involved in exciting new projects, including meeting some very wonderful, positive, creative women and feeling so much more supported in who I am and what I want to do (one of my New Year's resolutions) and possibly organizing a V-Day event for my hometown. I'm waiting to hear if my application is accepted and trying not to get too wound up about it one way or another.
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