Oh Perfectionism

This morning I'm having fun listening to a great old time Christmas/Old Standards collection on Pandora.com including Frank Sinatra from the "Rat Pack Holiday" album, and Nat King Cole, and Bing Crosby and oh my, the sexy Julie London (according to my Dad, I only knew her from her fuzzy Emergency days), oh yes, and burning toast as I get too caught up in other things. One of the concepts I'm chewing over these days is the difference between Perfectionism and simply Wanting-to-Do-Things-Well. Where is the line between artistry and Martha Stewartness? I come from a family of female Perfectionists, not to the extreme it can go, but certainly to the point that we can make other people feel, well, inadequate. And that makes me feel bad, the fact that my wanting to do things beautifully and artfully, and yes, sometimes as perfect as possible, can make others feel a bad. We like to impress. Oh, I know deep down I can't make anyone else truly feel inadequate unless they're looking to already, and I know that all of the women in my family truly want people to enjoy themselves with the entertaining, and gifts and whatnot that we put so much effort to produce, but I'm also aware of the need for showmanship, and the longing to dazzle. Fatigue, and pain and lack of funds have done much to slow down my perfectionism and love of artistry the last several years, but it's not something that can be squashed easily, if at all. I will always find a way to have as much style (whether it's my website or my person) as I can muster, and I will always be impressed by those who do so as well. There is part of me who takes my hat off to Martha, but at the same time I want to let go of my need to feel "my way is the right way" because my efforts will probably look better than most. I want to let go of my "control freak" side as much as possible because I'm well aware I don't have the answers, just some pretty good questions. At the florist where I work my boss has pegged me as "Diane" from "Cheers" because as she puts it "I like to use big words and tell everyone what to do." I was pretty bummed with this description on the inside, but I had to laugh. It has a ring of truth to it, though thank God, I gave up on the Sam character a long time ago in a galaxy far away. But yes, I do look around at a situation and see how it could be done better, and then, even though I try not to, I tend to voice my ideas. And yes, people who want to snap their fingers at me, and choose ugly flowers, and want to be as cheap as possible annoy me, but there are moments of magic when I can pull together an arrangement that beats anything the customer was expecting and I can see it beaming in their faces. I love that. And I love that the flowers are going to someone they love - or someone they want to be able to love. I have a feeling the line between Doing-Your-Best and Perfectionism is a very very thin line, and I have a feeling the key to it all IS feeling and intention - but that it's very tough to stay on the Artistry-for-Sake-of-Artistry side because the ego always wants its say, the ego always wants to make an impression on others, to be applauded and recognized and above all, of course, important.