Disconcerting Dreams

One of my current goals is to get a better handle on just what the heck my wild and crazy dreams are trying to tell me.  I'm having a really hard time with them right now.  It's pretty much the case of "too much information."  I often wake up feeling like I've been run over by an information truck.  I know part of this situation is dealing with chronic fatigue, for some reason chronic fatigue sufferers have very vivid dreams (which can certainly explain part of the fatigue) but I've always been a very vivid dreamer. 

I have a number of reacurring "theme" dreams, one of which is that I realize I've forgotten to feed my bird (I used to have a parakeet).  It's challenging to figure out what the bird means to my subconscious as it seems to represent a variety of things...for years, while still married and then divorced and trying to find my way I had always forgotten to feed the bird for quite some time and he was starving to death.  Oh I was so ashamed and mortified!  As I moved into writing and blogging and figuring out my own way as a single person the dreams improved, the bird would have food and water, there would be many birds happy and beatuiful, but every once in awhile they'd backslide and I've never quite been able to figure out what's going on.  Last night I dreamt that not only did I need to give the bird new food, but I'd kept him covered and he was so light deprived he'd faded.  On top of that somehow other little birds had attached themselves to him, or other birds had laid their eggs on him and the babies had hatched - but attached to them and now I knew they'd die because there was no way for them to be fed.  Their parents were long gone.  I changed the food but I was so dismayed and overwhelmed by the situation that I covered the cage again.  As I was going to walk away I noticed that there were little tiny birds who could get in and out of the bars of the cage, and one small bird was in a net.  I called to him and slipped off the net and he jumped back in the cage.

If anyone wants to take a crack at this, because I'm obviously too close, I will admit that while I am enjoying writing more than ever, and excited about my new website (www.localendeavor.squarespace.com) I continue to be frustrated and embarassed by my inability over the past six years to manifest prosperity again.  I am doing my best to be at peace with it and be open to something bigger that I'm suppose to be learning here because all of my old habits, prayers, affirmations etc. no longer work.  For the most part I'm happy, I like what I do, I love that I get paid to write too, but I am constantly just scraping by no matter why kind of thought, energy, prayers, thoughts, work etc. I put into play.  If I plan for the holidays by writing more articles that one check (just as an example), so very needed, is the first one in seven months to be late.  It is still not here! 

I do my best to give this situation up to  a Higher Authority, to God, to the Great Mystery (whatever works for you) to accept something is going on here I can't quite fathom.  I have certainly learned that people are not always poor because they're lacking education or lazy.  And I am grateful for this, to own this, and realize how tough it is for so many.  But I want to pay my bills on time!  And I know that no one here who will tell me that they have the answers via the "right" affirmations has the answer for me, I know I've got to find it myself, but some thoughts on what the heck those baby birds mean would be much appreciated.